


singing like a bird 'bout it now

by himbodad



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boy Band, F/F, Interview, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, Not Actually Unrequited Love, mostly bc these idiots have no concept of proper communication, rainer rhodes and zana are an indie rock girl group, the thundermen are a boy band
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25439542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himbodad/pseuds/himbodad
Summary: “That’s wonderful!” Maybe this interview wouldn’t be a total disaster after all. “We’ve made it to our last question, submitted by Karla Ios. Which one of you is the ‘hot one’?”Elley expected to hear nothing from the Firbolg and Argo, and for Fitzroy to make claims of his own handsomeness. She was wrong.
Relationships: (mentioned) - Relationship, Argo Keene/Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt, Rainer/Rhodes/Zana (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	singing like a bird 'bout it now

**Author's Note:**

> rainer/rhodes/zana is appearing in everything i write now,,,, rhaina excellence (i dunno if that sounds good lol)
> 
> pacing is kinda off but y'know
> 
> title comes from Shrike by Hozier

Fitzroy shifts uncomfortably in his chair. He’s been doing interviews for a few months now and he’s not sure he’ll ever get used to it. Argo taps him twice on the shoulder. It’s their signal to each other, a way of checking if everything’s alright. The half elf nods weakly, and although Argo doesn’t believe him in the slightest, he doesn’t check again. 

The Firbolg is surprisingly calm. To be honest, no one thinks that he truly understands what’s going on. All that he knows is that he’s being asked questions by someone he doesn’t know while shoved into a seat that’s far too small for his massive frame.

“Hello everyone, and welcome back to NuaMusicNews. I’m your host, Elley Tymins, and I’m sitting down today with Nua’s hottest new boy band- the Thundermen. Fellas, I’m sure I won’t be the first to tell you that half the damn planet’s in love with you. How does it feel?” The interviewer, a young eleven woman, asks. Her voice is deep, raspy. Exactly Argo’s type. Fitzroy sinks lower into himself. 

“Uh, I guess I can go first… it feels fuckin’ great, if I’m being honest!” Argo replies. “Listen, it’s not what we expected at that first karaoke night, but it’s certainly not a disappointment.”

“We have much success. And this is a great pride to me.” Comments the Firbolg.

“Awesome! Now, they tell me you’re just called Firbolg, right? Well, Firbolg, the number one question sent in by your fans-” She turns to address the camera, “your Thunderheads, as they’ve taken to calling themselves- is… what’s your name?”

“Dis is a ridiculous question. Why do these fans wish to know this? Names are useless. I have no use for a name.” His voice is rising. He’s been asked this same question many times, but apparently the fans have learned nothing from their previous attempts.

“What my friend here means to say, is that Firbolg is the closest thing he’s got to a name. The fans are learning to respect that, I think.” Fitzroy adds, trying desperately to save the situation.

Elley gives him a grateful look when the camera pans towards Fitzroy. “And you, Mr. Maplecourt! The ladies are especially interested in your whole vibe.”

Argo stifles a laugh. Fitzroy’s sexuality has remained blessedly private as the Thundermen have risen to stardom, which is both a blessing and a curse. The main drawback is that every woman on Nua thinks they have a chance with him, despite the fact that his attraction mostly lies with men. 

“Are they?” Fitzroy queries, elbowing Argo in the stomach with as much force as he can muster. “I honestly hadn’t noticed.”

“Of course! I will say though, you and the lead singer of Lich Queen seemed pretty close at last week’s NuaMusicNews party. Some of your fans were feeling jealous.”

He nearly scoffs. Rainer? The two of them are old friends, and nothing more. Besides, if NuaMusicNews did even the slightest bit of research, they’d know that Rainer’s in a committed relationship with both other members of the indie rock group Lich Queen: Rhodes Aven and Zana Deimos. 

“What kind of reputable news site doesn’t snoop around enough to know when someone’s in a relationship?” He hisses. Fitzroy never was one for level headed thinking.

“Eh, what I think Fitzroy _meant _to say is that Rainer’s already in a relationship. The two of them are real close friends, but that’s as far as the connection goes.”__

__God bless Argo for saving this interview from taking a drastic turn. Fitzroy’s not sure he’s quite ready to be canceled just yet for mouthing off to an innocent stranger._ _

__Elley nods knowingly. She was completely unaware of Rainer’s relationship status and frantically waves down her assistant to make note of it as soon as the cameras are off her. “Just wanted to confirm for all the fans out there. Well then, I think it’s about time we ask you a question then, Argonaut.”_ _

__“Please, call me Argo.” He replies with a wink. Elley giggles, and Fitzroy feels his blood boil._ _

__“Alright then- Argo. As every Thunderhead knows, you’re the main vocalist, Fitzroy’s on guitar and vocals, and the Firbolg plays drums.”_ _

__“Dis is correct.” The Firbolg adds solemnly._ _

__“Oh, um… anyways… how does it feel to be the leader of the group?”_ _

__“Ah, there’s where you’re wrong.” Argo laughs. “I’m definitely not the leader. That’d be our friend Fitzroy here. He’s the one who set up our original tour, he writes most of the music- shit, he came up with the name Thundermen! We’d be nothing without him.”_ _

__

__“Damn right you wouldn’t be. If I may interrupt, I feel it necessary to inform all of our- what did you call them, Thunderheads?- that I also came up with the logo. So, y’know. Credit where credit is due.”_ _

__The interviewer grimaces. She’s quickly losing control of this discussion. To be fair, she had been warned about the Thundermen. Gossip between other major music publication employees seemed to reach the consensus that the three are talented artists and absolutely horrible interviewees. Once, when talking to Boy Cloak’s music division, the Firbolg dug through his voluptuous hair until he retrieved two mushrooms. He offered one to the horrified interviewer before consuming both himself. Argo has a habit of bringing freshly peeled and sliced limes as a snack. Overall, interviewing the Thundermen is a hellish nightmare from which there is no escape, so Elley decides to speed up the process and get out as soon as possible._ _

__She mimes touching her earpiece and listening in to something. It’s not even a good lie, but it’s enough to convince the three Thundermen. “Well boys, I’m hearing from my producers that this interview is going to need to get cut a little short. Let’s do a rapid fire round of questions, huh?”_ _

__The Thundermen stare blankly at her. Gods above, why did she choose this profession?_ _

__“What’s your favorite food?” It’s one of the standard questions, but it’s one that Elley knows will have a unique answer coming from these three._ _

__“Berries.”_ _

__“Eh, limes, peppers- anything with lots of Vitamin C, really.”_ _

__“My tastes are far too refined to be summed up in one food.” Fitzroy sniffs. “But if you’re forcing me to choose, then I suppose I shall settle on crepes. Sweet, not savory.”_ _

__“Great- great choices. Um, next question. If you were an animal, which would you be?”_ _

__“Fish, probably. Is that too on the nose?”_ _

__“In my opinion, the most majestic creature to walk this planet is the crab. Need I continue?”_ _

__“Why are you asking me dis? Every animal is beautiful.” The Firbolg drones. “I refuse to decide this. This question does not please me.”_ _

__“Okay! Let’s move on to some fan submitted questions. This one was sent in by Bel Marvin: what inspired you to get into music?”_ _

__“I’ve been playing guitar since I could walk,” Fitzroy brags, “there was no other way around it.”_ _

__“My clan would sing the most beautiful songs every night. It is a very special memory.”_ _

__“I’m sure you all know about me mother.” The genasi says, visibly uneasy._ _

__“How could we not? Shebrie was an icon in the field of female driven shanties.”_ _

__“Yeah, she really was.” Argo’s eyes lose focus, welling up with light tears. Fitzroy rubs his back gently. Bringing him back down to earth. “She taught me all I know. The only thing I want is ta make her proud._ _

__“That’s very sweet, Argo. Speaking of sweet, we have a question here from Adian Erst- what’s your favorite gift you’ve received from a fan?”_ _

__“A little girl gave me a… bracelet. It is my most treasured possession.” The Firbolg holds up his wrist towards the camera. A bracelet, only just big enough for his massive body, is visible. It’s made from a mix of colorful beads. Imprinted in the middle is FIRBY surrounded by two twin hearts._ _

__Argo wipes at his eyes, eliminating any evidence of the sorrow that threatened to take him over. “I, uh, I don’t have it on me, but someone gave me a drawing of me as a superhero at one of our shows. T’was real nice of them. Well done, too.”_ _

__“I was sent a lovely cloak, courtesy of a fan by the name of Charm. They made it themself, which I consider to be quite the accomplishment.” Fitzroy enjoyed this gift immensely. He’d worn it to their live show in Last Hope specifically to delight said fan. (He’d made Argo do some research into where the young elf lived. Anything for the fans, Fitzroy likes to say. Privately, of course. He needs to keep up his blasé facade)._ _

__“That’s wonderful!” Maybe this interview wouldn’t be a total disaster after all. “We’ve made it to our last question, submitted by Karla Ios. Which one of you is the ‘hot one’?”_ _

__Elley expected to hear nothing from the Firbolg and Argo, and for Fitzroy to make claims of his own handsomeness. She was wrong._ _

__“Fitzroy.” Answers Argo confidently. At the same time, Fitzroy utters an answer. It’s clear that it’s a knee jerk reaction and not voluntary._ _

__“Argo.” Fitzroy’s face becomes instantly horrified as he realizes what he’s done. Argo reaches for his arm and misses as Fitzroy bolts from the room. The genasi takes off after him as fast as he can manage._ _

__“Wow.” Elley shakes her head. “I mean, I suppose that concludes our interview with the Thundermen. This is Elley Tymins for NuaMusicNews, signing off.”_ _

__\---  
“Fitzroy! Fitzroy, please, slow down.” Argo pants. He slams into the door to the green room that the half elf has just shut behind himself. “Damnit, Fitz, just talk to me!”_ _

__“There’s nothing for us to discuss. Please leave now.” Behind the door, Fitzroy finds himself dissolving into a pool of tears. He’s spent the past four years of his life hiding his feelings from Argo, and now he’s given himself away. If the answer wasn’t enough, his reaction to his own answer certainly is. Fitzroy fumbles for his phone to call Rainer for guidance. It goes to voicemail, and he remembers that she’s recording a new Lich Queen music video today._ _

__“I’m not leaving. You hear me? I’m not leaving!” Argo calls. “I’ll stand here all day if I have to.”_ _

__There’s no lock on the door, Argo knows that much. The only thing stopping him from entering the room is Fitzroy’s body keeping it shut. When he hears Fitzroy mutter a curse under his breath and sullenly stomp off, he makes his move._ _

__Argo sees his friend collapse onto a couch, collar of his button up soaked with tears._ _

__“I understand that you’ll be wanting me to leave you be from now on. Just, please don’t make me leave the Thundermen. It’s really all I have.” Fitzroy chokes out._ _

__“Why would I do any of that? Jesus, Fitzroy, I think ya need to stop jumping to conclusions so quickly. Did you really not notice I said I thought you were the hot one?”_ _

__“I don’t mean to be rude here, Argo, but I’m the hot one. Firby would’ve said the same if given adequate time to process the question. I’m the only one who gave any information away.”_ _

__“You’re really not, though! Fitzroy, I don’t know how exactly I need to say this to get it into that head of yours, but I love you. In a romantic way. Don’t want you to look for a loophole in that too.”_ _

__Fitzroy snaps his head towards his friend. The look in Argo’s eyes is sincere, more so than normal. For the first time in so long, Fitzroy feels a genuine smile cross his face. Not one that he plasters on for the cameras as part of his haughty persona._ _

__“I love you too.” He whispers. “Argo, I love you more than anything else in this world.”_ _

__“Trust me. The feeling’s mutual.” Argo chuckles. He takes Fitzroy’s hand, squeezing it gently. The two of them have a lot to deal with. But now they’ll be in it together. Hand in hand, ready for whatever their future holds, Argo and Fitzroy’s lips connect. Argo doesn’t let go. He has no intention of ever doing so._ _

___\---  
BREAKING NEWS: ARGONAUT KEENE AND FITZROY MAPLECOURT OF THE THUNDERMEN ANNOUNCE THEIR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP  
By Elley Tymins_

__“D’you ever think she’ll let this go?” Fitzroy asks. He’s holding Argo’s hand as they enjoy a nice breakfast after spending the night together._ _

__“I think you know the answer to that.”_ _


End file.
